http://www.gavinwhenman.com Because few appropriate words begin with the letter "G". The personal blog of Gavin Whenman Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:20:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 © gavin.whenman@googlemail.com () gavin.whenman@googlemail.com() Because few appropriate words begin with the letter "G". The personal blog of Gavin Whenman gavin.whenman@googlemail.com No no http://www.gavinwhenman.com/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/powered_by_podpress.jpg http://www.gavinwhenman.com 144 144 http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/21/ffs-its-monday-organ-donation/ http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/21/ffs-its-monday-organ-donation/#comments Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:50:40 +0000 Gavin Whenman http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/21/ffs-its-monday-organ-donation/ http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/21/ffs-its-monday-organ-donation/feed/ 3 2:59 Listen to this article: From political donations one week to organ donations the next, this column knows no subject it will not viciously maul like a ... Listen to this article: From political donations one week to organ donations the next, this column knows no subject it will not viciously maul like a rabid Frenchman at an underage brothel. Gordon Brown wants our organ, or rather organs plural, as he doesn't want us to touch his soft, warm, freshly lubricated arsehole with our hardened cylindrical pleasure pal. He is proposing a system of presumed consent under which, when we eventually float off to the great virgin infested paradise in the sky, or if you're like me, fall into the celestial equivalent of Coventry, it is presumed that we wish to donate our organs to those who need them. Some might say that Gordon Brown has a vested interest in our organs, as he is blind in his left eye after being kicked in the head during a rugby match. They might go on to wonder whether he wants to nick the peepers that we've not been clumsy enough to lose because we didn't put our retinas between an oddly-shaped ball and a boot. And of course his entire career in government is based on the charisma involuntarily donated to him by Tony Blair whilst they shared the same office in the 1980s. There is of course that phrase, "presumed consent", which of itself could be problematic in selling the scheme to the public. I'm just hoping the government don't adopt the same test in rape cases - the idea of Gordon Brown salivating over my naked body with a four-inch stiffie, insistent he can penetrate my most intimate fiscal policy just because I haven't yet refused his very kind offer, doesn't make me feel anything but physically nauseous. Okay, that's the second time I've conjured up a mental image of the Prime Minister flailing his love spuds wildly in my direction, and I would like to apologise. Please feel free to pause this podcast or take a break from reading to clean out your ears with soapy water and then I'll start again. Ready? Then I'll begin... I'd like to sexually violate Gordon Brown until he bleeds out every last penny of the pound;25 billion of our money he blew propping up a failing Newcastle bank, like a domestically abused wife who sticks with her aggressive husband because she believes things will get better any day now. Okay, that is absolutely the last time, I swear. Whilst I'm on the subject, however, I'd just like to say that I disagree with those who believe a Geordie accent is trustworthy. It isn't, it just makes me want to reach down the phone, pull out their misshapen vocal cords and squeeze out every last mispronounced drop of "I'd just like to ask you some security questions". Some object to the government automatically taking our organs when we die. They proclaim that it is their body to dispose of as they please, which rather raises the question of whether everything else they owned whilst alive still belongs to them too. Be warned, the next time you buy a bungalow you could find a rapidly decaying corpse taking a fetid dump in your toilet. I personally have no objection to the government taking my alcohol-soaked liver or Scot-abused prostate and putting them to good use after I've died. After all, I'm not going to need them and I can't thing of anything my family would want to do with them. I've got just one request though: Please don't use my body parts to prolong the life of a Geordie telephone operator. FFS,It's,Monday,,healthcare gavin.whenman@googlemail.com no No http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/13/compulsory-organ-donation-obsolete/ http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/13/compulsory-organ-donation-obsolete/#comments Sun, 13 Jan 2008 20:20:06 +0000 Gavin Whenman http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/13/compulsory-organ-donation-obsolete/ http://www.gavinwhenman.com/2008/01/13/compulsory-organ-donation-obsolete/feed/ 0