In a startling change to centuries of tradition, the doors to the House of Commons will not be slammed shut when Black Rod approaches the chamber this morning.
Instead, to mark the subservience of the legislature to the Crown, Black Rod will walk straight into the House of Commons unimpeded and accompanied by a phalanx of ten guards, all carrying long sticks. MPs will then bend over and display their anal openings, whereupon Black Rod or a member of his guard will ceremoniously give them one shafting each. Once all 646 MPs have been shafted, they will walk (slowly and carefully) to the House of Lords to hear Her Majesty give a speech outlining the government’s priorities for the 2008 – 09 parliamentary session.











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